I write this in a state of sorrow. I write this in a state of confusion. I write this because I don’t know what I have become. Perhaps I have become a boastful monster with no real good, or perhaps I have gone one degree worse. Perhaps I have become an ambitious hypocrite with no real virtue. Perhaps the atmosphere has systematically eroded the righteousness that had, some time before, found a home in my heart. I live a life of supreme hypocrisy. I live in an age of ultimate tyranny. I see tyrants torture two pious souls in Sialkot (video), yet I casually carry on and laugh around. I preach to the world to stand up, yet I sluggishly live my own hypocritical life. My heart remains in a constant battle .A war with no end in sight. It hardens up but then softens bleeding tears of sadness as a testament to what has gone wrong. I write this because this is the truth. I no longer fear the one all mighty. I no longer tremble at the sounds of recitation.
I know the ideals, I lack the will. I know the path, I refuse to walk. I chose the path but now I refuse to submit. My conscious knows I have done wrong. My conscious knows I have gone astray. Yet I wait and wait as if I am the chosen soul. The one free from judgment, the one free form any sort of consequences. I carry the hope of one billion people on my shoulders. Every day one billion people search through the sky. Every day one billion people solicitously await a glimpse of hope. They await a savior, they await a hero. They await a shining star, they put their faith in me .I have let them down. I have crumbled. I have self destructed.
I boast ideals, yet I bow down to materialism. I boast piety, yet I project evil. I am the worst kind. I deserve to be ridiculed. I deserve to be tortured. I deserve calamities, I deserve worse.I sleep tonight keeping in my mind the hypocrisies and the evils committed by me today , knowing very well they will all be a distant memory once I wake up.
I am nothing, but a sinful soul.
